A few weeks ago, Austin and I took the kids on a Sunday afternoon family walk in the local cemetary. It's only a couple blocks away, and it's a nice, shady, quiet place to get out for a breath of fresh air. I've been doing my morning walks there most days since we moved to Baltimore. I've had some interesting discussions with Carson about death and what happens when you die. He seems pretty cool with it. (Although, for a while, he had a "I'm going to miss you when you die." phase. He'd say that about everyone--me, Cora, Dad, the dog. I told him that's not happening for a long time yet.)
But this particular afternoon while walking with Austin, a new question came into my mind--well, an old question with a completely new angle: What Happens When We Die? No no, I get the spiritual stuff. I believe our bodies are left behind on earth, while our spirit returns to our heavenly home to await final judgement. And I get the physical stuff--our bodies cease to function and the matter begins to decay. What I don't get is the social aspect of death.
Walking thru the cemetary, I see big headstones and small ones; large mausoleums and monuments; flat headstones and wall plaques. Some are buried individually, and some with spouses. Some are with children and some are buried as a whole family group. But how do you decide where and how you're going to be buried? I've never lived any one place for more than 6 years, and my parents don't even live there anymore. I married a man from a place I've never ever lived, and neither of our parents live anywhere near where any other family members are buried. So neither of us has a default place to, dare I say, "put down roots" in that sense.
Who decides where someone gets buried--especially after a spouse is involved. Is there some sort of social custom to decide this? What if your family has a plot and a space for you, but so do your inlaws? Or what if Grandparents set aside land for grandchild burial--or what if they didn't?
And here's another thing. I have always felt that I could never get a tattoo (for various reasons, but mostly) because I can't think of any one statement I feel that attached to. How on earth could I choose a gravestone, and what would I want put on it--making the most final of statements on life? Also, it seems like headstones and fancy coffins must cost an awful lot. Why would I want that much money spent on me posthumously? What's wrong with a good old pine box and a sturdy pile of rocks? Or why isn't cremation and/or ash scattering more widely done?
And everytime I see someone in the graveyard, visiting or mourning over a grave, I think, "I would never want anyone to feel like they have to visit me all the time!" There are some graves with elaborate trees, gardens, and other decorations around them that have to be tended and pruned. Causing yardwork from beyond the grave? No way! But then when I think about it in reverse--if I lost Austin, how would I want to remember him?--I feel differently. How would I want to honor his memory? Maybe it would make me feel good to go tend a few flowers or sit on a marble bench at his side. I don't know.
So I guess that's what it's all about. We talk about honoring the dead, but I think it's all really for the living. I didn't think writing this would make me feel sad--I thought it was a rather amusing quandry. But I certainly hope I can keep my promise to Carson, and that I don't have to deal with this sort of thing for a very very long long time.
30 August 2012
29 August 2012
"Mom, I have to tell you something..."
I have been reading thru a lot of old journal and Dispatch entries lately, and it's made me wonder: "What happened? Where is that charismatic girl of days gone by who had lots to say about everything?" And I thought about how not only can I rarely get up the gumption to write these days, but when I do, it's usually just something about the kids. Heaven help me, I haven't just become a boring mom, have I?
It's not that I have any problem with all the wonderful stuff I have to write about my kids. It's just that I worry about what's happened to the stuff about me? Well, worry is probably a stronger word than I need to use. It's more of a passing ponderance, really.
Having said that, my inspiration for writing tonite was a day chock full of amazingness out of Carson's mouth. He was seriously on a roll. So it's time to catch you up on my store of Carson-isms. And here's hoping this opens the floodgates for my writing as well.
* As always, Carson is really in to fast things. His favorite expressions include: "I go/it goes/that was fast! Speed like a bullet!" and "That was flame fire!" and "That was speed limit!" Everything, including himself, is fast these days--no, wait, the fastest in the WORLD!
* "Mom, why do tornadoes come?" (pause, chuckles to himself) "It sounds like tomato!"
* One Sunday, we were visiting Austin's parents' church, and I pointed out to Carson that Grandad was sitting on the stand. I explained that he was the Bishop. A few minutes later, he whispered excitedly to me, "Hey! Grandma lives with the Bishop!"
* While walking to the nearby grocery store, "Mom, this place just used to be a desert. But then the big wind came and just...BLEW all the sand away! Blew it to North AFRICA! The tornado was so strong it just blew it far far away to North Africa."
"Where is North Africa?"
"It's next to Maryland, far far away."
* I took Carson to Applebee's for a little Mom&Son time. We walked in the front doors and before the hostess could even greet us, he proclaimed, "I want a steak! I want a BIG FEAST!" And later that same nite, he said to me, "Mom, this is our first date!" Also, he wouldn't let me open my own car door, because he wanted to be a gentleman.
* While driving nearby, Carson saw a flag with those gangly Germanic dragon-lions on it. This was his explanation of what they are (better than mine, perhaps): "It's a dragon squirrel! Dragon squirrels shoot fire out of their mouths...underground...to cook their next meal. Also, in our houses to help us get rid of mice."
* We attended a baptism at church recently, so we've been talking to Carson about that a bit. We were explaining that when he turns 8, Dad will baptise him. And that when he is old enough, he can have the Priesthood, and then he can baptise his own kids someday. His (excited) reply was, "Yeah! When they turn 8 years old, I'm gonna hold them under the water for a long, long time!"
* After Carson squished a cricket with his bike, Austin told him that he didn't need to because crickets are nice. Carson replied, "No, crickets are bad. Everyone in Alaska just uses their swords to protect them selves from the Old, MEAN crickets."
* He is really into numbers right now, and really likes giving irrelevant number values to pretty much everything. "This goes 79 miles an hour!" "I'm 20!" and, the other day, after spending 2 nites at Grandma's house, we asked how those 2 days had been, and he said emphatically, "No, it was just 60 days!"
* Most everything he says, by the way, is preceeded by, "Mom, I have to tell you something..." Last Saturday, after a conversation with Dad, he came and found me to tell me this something: "Jimi Hendricks can play the guitar a lot lot better than you."
* Tonite after his bath he was hopping around with wet feet and (just as I was trying to warn him to stop) he slipped and whacked his head on the floor. Much wailing and crying ensued, but after about 2-3 minutes of holding him and trying to comfort him or distract him, he said--mid-wail--"Moooomm! I have to tell you something! Some people have tracks with bridges that are already built!"
* He came in for a snack while I was preparing dinner tonite. After I gave him a small piece of brownie, he said, "Mom, I have to tell you something. I appreciate you." (Awwww!)
* Later that same time, "Mom, I have to tell you something. Craisins don't have any seeds, so they are vegetables."
* And finally, also today. Attempting to self-entertain while I got some work done, he was throwing around some of those little fuzzy pom-poms. He said, "This game is called 'floor catch juggle'. It's where the floor has to catch 3 balls at the same time."
Hope we made you laugh. :)
It's not that I have any problem with all the wonderful stuff I have to write about my kids. It's just that I worry about what's happened to the stuff about me? Well, worry is probably a stronger word than I need to use. It's more of a passing ponderance, really.
Having said that, my inspiration for writing tonite was a day chock full of amazingness out of Carson's mouth. He was seriously on a roll. So it's time to catch you up on my store of Carson-isms. And here's hoping this opens the floodgates for my writing as well.
* As always, Carson is really in to fast things. His favorite expressions include: "I go/it goes/that was fast! Speed like a bullet!" and "That was flame fire!" and "That was speed limit!" Everything, including himself, is fast these days--no, wait, the fastest in the WORLD!
* "Mom, why do tornadoes come?" (pause, chuckles to himself) "It sounds like tomato!"
* One Sunday, we were visiting Austin's parents' church, and I pointed out to Carson that Grandad was sitting on the stand. I explained that he was the Bishop. A few minutes later, he whispered excitedly to me, "Hey! Grandma lives with the Bishop!"
* While walking to the nearby grocery store, "Mom, this place just used to be a desert. But then the big wind came and just...BLEW all the sand away! Blew it to North AFRICA! The tornado was so strong it just blew it far far away to North Africa."
"Where is North Africa?"
"It's next to Maryland, far far away."
* I took Carson to Applebee's for a little Mom&Son time. We walked in the front doors and before the hostess could even greet us, he proclaimed, "I want a steak! I want a BIG FEAST!" And later that same nite, he said to me, "Mom, this is our first date!" Also, he wouldn't let me open my own car door, because he wanted to be a gentleman.
* While driving nearby, Carson saw a flag with those gangly Germanic dragon-lions on it. This was his explanation of what they are (better than mine, perhaps): "It's a dragon squirrel! Dragon squirrels shoot fire out of their mouths...underground...to cook their next meal. Also, in our houses to help us get rid of mice."
* We attended a baptism at church recently, so we've been talking to Carson about that a bit. We were explaining that when he turns 8, Dad will baptise him. And that when he is old enough, he can have the Priesthood, and then he can baptise his own kids someday. His (excited) reply was, "Yeah! When they turn 8 years old, I'm gonna hold them under the water for a long, long time!"
* After Carson squished a cricket with his bike, Austin told him that he didn't need to because crickets are nice. Carson replied, "No, crickets are bad. Everyone in Alaska just uses their swords to protect them selves from the Old, MEAN crickets."
* He is really into numbers right now, and really likes giving irrelevant number values to pretty much everything. "This goes 79 miles an hour!" "I'm 20!" and, the other day, after spending 2 nites at Grandma's house, we asked how those 2 days had been, and he said emphatically, "No, it was just 60 days!"
* Most everything he says, by the way, is preceeded by, "Mom, I have to tell you something..." Last Saturday, after a conversation with Dad, he came and found me to tell me this something: "Jimi Hendricks can play the guitar a lot lot better than you."
* Tonite after his bath he was hopping around with wet feet and (just as I was trying to warn him to stop) he slipped and whacked his head on the floor. Much wailing and crying ensued, but after about 2-3 minutes of holding him and trying to comfort him or distract him, he said--mid-wail--"Moooomm! I have to tell you something! Some people have tracks with bridges that are already built!"
* He came in for a snack while I was preparing dinner tonite. After I gave him a small piece of brownie, he said, "Mom, I have to tell you something. I appreciate you." (Awwww!)
* Later that same time, "Mom, I have to tell you something. Craisins don't have any seeds, so they are vegetables."
* And finally, also today. Attempting to self-entertain while I got some work done, he was throwing around some of those little fuzzy pom-poms. He said, "This game is called 'floor catch juggle'. It's where the floor has to catch 3 balls at the same time."
23 May 2012
The Triumphant Arrival
We made it. We have arrived in Maryland. We survived the final packing and the loading of our car. We survived (and enjoyed) a trip to Dinosaur National Monument. We skipped a stop at Mt. Rushmore because the forecast was for rainy and foggy, and I knew from previous experience that there is NO view of the mount in the fog. We survived the rest of the 3-day drive to my parents' house in Columbus, OH.
THEN my Mother survived 2 weeks of babysitting our children while Austin and I went gallivanting around Ecuador (more on that later). And finally, we all survived the final day's drive out to Maryland. We spent a day with Austin's parents and a day house hunting, and since then we've crashed at his older brother's house deciding, applying, and getting approved for our own house in Towson.
It's amazing range of houses there were in our price range. We saw big, dumpy houses; small, dumpy houses; medium-sized, decent houses; a really awesome house with a TINY kitchen, and finally a pretty-good house with a good, new kitchen, and a beautiful yard. We wanted the awesome house, but the price was higher and the road out front was pretty busy (and with no fence, one dog, and 2 kids, that seemed a little iffy), so we applied for the pretty good house. And the landlords chose us! So we get to move in this week! Possibly tomorrow!
Meanwhile, the kids have been having a blast staying here with their only cousins. Carson and his cousin Rocky are really close to the same age, and since they both only have sisters, they have been in boy-heaven--wrestling, jumping on the trampoline, tackling, wrestling, playing with cars, wrestling, and more and more wrestling. It's amazing that they have neither fought with, hurt, nor gotten sick of each other yet.
Cora has also enjoyed the cousin her age, Quincy--mostly by pointing and squealing at her, hugging her, and crawling up and down the stairs with her.
And Austin and I are enjoying the time we get to spend with Logan and Sarah before they move out to Colorado. (Just one month after we move here, they are leaving...stinkers.) Sarah and I took a Girl's Nite break last nite and went to a chick-flick at the cheapie theatre in Frederick. (The Lucky One. Perfectly mushy-gushy.) Austin and Logan have been staying up late watching things like NBA Playoffs and American Ninja Warrior (okay, so I've been watching that one too).
Austin starts work next Wednesday, so we're just making the most of our downtime before we have to get our lives back to normal.
THEN my Mother survived 2 weeks of babysitting our children while Austin and I went gallivanting around Ecuador (more on that later). And finally, we all survived the final day's drive out to Maryland. We spent a day with Austin's parents and a day house hunting, and since then we've crashed at his older brother's house deciding, applying, and getting approved for our own house in Towson.
It's amazing range of houses there were in our price range. We saw big, dumpy houses; small, dumpy houses; medium-sized, decent houses; a really awesome house with a TINY kitchen, and finally a pretty-good house with a good, new kitchen, and a beautiful yard. We wanted the awesome house, but the price was higher and the road out front was pretty busy (and with no fence, one dog, and 2 kids, that seemed a little iffy), so we applied for the pretty good house. And the landlords chose us! So we get to move in this week! Possibly tomorrow!
Meanwhile, the kids have been having a blast staying here with their only cousins. Carson and his cousin Rocky are really close to the same age, and since they both only have sisters, they have been in boy-heaven--wrestling, jumping on the trampoline, tackling, wrestling, playing with cars, wrestling, and more and more wrestling. It's amazing that they have neither fought with, hurt, nor gotten sick of each other yet.
Cora has also enjoyed the cousin her age, Quincy--mostly by pointing and squealing at her, hugging her, and crawling up and down the stairs with her.
And Austin and I are enjoying the time we get to spend with Logan and Sarah before they move out to Colorado. (Just one month after we move here, they are leaving...stinkers.) Sarah and I took a Girl's Nite break last nite and went to a chick-flick at the cheapie theatre in Frederick. (The Lucky One. Perfectly mushy-gushy.) Austin and Logan have been staying up late watching things like NBA Playoffs and American Ninja Warrior (okay, so I've been watching that one too).
Austin starts work next Wednesday, so we're just making the most of our downtime before we have to get our lives back to normal.
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